Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
