dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
