margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
