There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
The feeling are messing with the penis
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
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