I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
