I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
