I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
