So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
