my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
