Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
