Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
