Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Randomize
