if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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