I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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