God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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