You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
