and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
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