i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
