No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
