I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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