The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize