guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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