Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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