We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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