When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
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