He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
