Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize
