i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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