Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Randomize
