the new term for farting is butt boxing.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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