I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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