you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize