My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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