I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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