come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
