My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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