so that wasnt chicken after all
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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