Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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