those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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