I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
