You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
