I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
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