U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
