He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
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