He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
i came on her dog
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
