I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Randomize
