Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
