She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
only if we run a train.
done.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
He passed out mid-signature
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
