We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
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