Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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