all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
