Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
