I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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