The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
