I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
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