just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
