i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
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weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
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