i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
