i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
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