hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
