bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
