He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
